A.M. Nonsense

My mommy and Titi Sonia will be visiting from Puerto Rico during the coming week. Sadly, I'm a slave to my job and so I will be working during the week instead of showing them my self-proclaimed hometown.

Them visiting is a big deal for me, as I have been away from home for nearly ten years now (4.5 in Atlanta) and am finally starting to settle in real nicely. I'll get to show Atlanta off to them. And considering all the stress I put my mom through in high school between blue hair, tongue ring, drinking, going to clubs/bars, doing drugs, and getting frisky with the boys, it's only fair to show her that all her nagging and motherly love has paid off.

In truth, I should be asleep right now. It's 2:49 a.m. and I don't know that my head will be hitting the pillow anytime soon. I just finished cleaning the house and I'm wide awake. Thoughts of the future continue to stir through my head.

Lately I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. Taking out a loan for this semester proved itself useless, as I wound up withdrawing halfway through the semester. For the first time in my life I found myself really hating school. I'm not certain whether it is the fault of Georgia State being a school of low caliber, or whether or not it's the Georgia public school system in general, but either way I wasn't learning anything and therefore wasting my time.

If I had to do it all over again I would have liked to have attended a private arts college. My mother had suggested it, but I opted against it on account of the exorbitant rates for private institutions. After being in college for seven years, however, I believe I might have already been done had I attended a school where the teachers knew what they were talking about and didn't log into Facebook every second during our scheduled class time.

Part of the problem is I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I've finally come to terms with the reality that I want to work in the entertainment industry. Since I was a little girl I've wanted to work in the industry, but as I grew up my interest in entertainment and everything related to it made me feel shallow. Ultimately I still don't know what I want to do, and that includes whether or not I even want to major in Journalism anymore.

I'm looking into returning to my original major of Creative Writing, which angers me because that means I would pretty much have been done by now had I not switched to Journalism post FSU. MediaBistro offers unlimited amounts of workshops I would certainly benefit from, but at nearly $500 per class I realistically will not be attending of those anytime soon. I'm hoping to transfer (yet again!) to a small private school with trimesters or quarters so I can hurry up and graduate and relieve myself of that stress already

In a perfect world I would have the life of Tina Fey. She is my latest female crush and I'm pretty certain I've read every interview she's given as of late while doing my media research at the local Barnes & Noble. Even her little girl's name is perfect. Alice. How cute is that? I don't even know what she looks like, but I want to scoop her up and steal her away forever.

You wanna hear the really funny part of all this? I'm thinking about joining a theatre group and going to casting calls. Oh my God, I can't believe I just wrote that. Not that anyone is actually reading this, but still. Now I feel committed to follow through! I think the theatre group would be good for me, especially to overcome my insecurities as of late. What has happened to me in recent years, I don't know. I used to be very self-confident, but not so much anymore. Between the 10 lbs. I've gained the past year and the reality that I have to rely on talent to succeed is overwhelming.

On the plus side, the website is doing well and this makes me real proud. I finalized my PR contact list and lined up 10+ interviews with a range of actresses, models, porn stars, and reality TV skanks. It's pretty exciting and I cannot wait to really get the ball rolling.

Amazingly enough I've actually been going out lately. After falling into a relatively deep depression towards the end of 2007/beginning of 2008 I've come to the obvious conclusion that working in my apartment all day and never ever leaving is probably not good for my mental and emotional health. And while I continue to miss my out-of-state girls terribly, I've been really fortunate to make some wonderful new girlfriends over the past year.

And of course, there's always my fabulous boyfriend, who stands by me always. Literally. Staying up with me 'til the wee hours of the morning if I'm working or restless just so I won't be alone. He is truly the perfect man and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Things have been pretty good lately. My older brother, who I hadn't spoken to in over a year after we had a huge blowout, has made an effort to mend our now fragile relationship. He was a huge influence on me growing up and it saddens me to see what's become of our friendship. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him.

My sonogram came back alright, my doctor said. Now it's just a matter of getting this portable EKG thing over with so I can find out whether or not I actually have vasovagal syncope. As soon as all that's finally done with I can get back to going to the gym and working on getting back into shape. A size 3 two years ago, I have no gone up to a size 7 (maybe even a 9, ah!) and have had to buy all new jeans because none of my old ones fit. Boo.

It's been a while since I've hosted a Game Night and I think I might have to arrange one for the following weekend. Nothing like playing board games, drinking beer with close friends and just talking and having fun. Secretly I think it's all a ploy for me to unveil this new crab dip recipe I have fallen in love with. Either way it should be fun and I'm pretty excited!

Current Faves:

"Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea"
Devendra Banhart
Complex Magazine
Root Beer Soda
Not being stoned 24/7
Snuggling with Kayla
Watching Sex Talk with Sue Johansson on YouTube
Third by Portishead
Recording my 20s via blog
clean sheets

Eyelids are finally heavy.