Progress Report

From high school to college, I repeatedly failed to turn in papers and projects fearing shame if I got less than an A. What can I say, I'm neurotic?

In the seven years I've lived in The States I have been offered opportunity after opportunity to gain experience in the writing end of the entertainment industry and have always bailed at the last minute.

Right before it's time to commit to a project I have found myself with a shaking, a migraine suddenly sweeping over me. Ultimately, I find a way to sabotage my advantageous situation.

This time, however, I'm actively pursuing what I want to do. That's not to say I wasn't being pro-active before, so much as there's more conviction in my step now.

Having finally realize that I have suffered from anxiety my entire life, I realized I would never follow through with my goals if I allow it to consume me. So I went to the doctor, got on medication, and feel a whole lot better.

Less going out, more writing, more working, more planning, more studying, more time spent determining what the hell I ultimately want to do when I grow up. I figured I got a 10-year window to make it happen. The dream, that is. Whatever dream that may be.

Which brings me to the heart of what I want to say. After putting together a PR list with 100 celebrity contacts, I was finally able to get two interviews. One tomorrow with busty pin-up model Denise Milani, and the other one at 6 p.m. today with Angelique Morgan, better known as 'Frenchie' on VH1's Rock of Love II with Bret Michaels.

There's no denying that Angelique is hot trash, but the truth is I'm all about hot trash. I suppose it's to keep from crying at the reality that this is their lives. People like Angelique, all the people who participate in these reality shows, they are the same personalities they create on screen. But to them it's just another crazy fun-filled day. Can you effing imagine?

I stayed up all night fight the urge to cancel the interview and bypass the opportunity to fail at even the least stressful of interviews. It had been around six months since I'd had any Red Bull and this morning I found myself guzzling down four of them from 2 a.m. to 11 a.m.

In the end, I made it. I did my research for my interview and drafted up the questions and all was set to go. Five minutes past six, I finally phoned her publicist. One returned phone call later, Anthony explained to me "off the record" that Angelique was in a police station filing a restraining order against some guy at some club from the night before.

The interview is now being rescheduled for next week, which is cool and all, but I gotta say for a minute there I was kinda broken hearted and proud simultaneously. Murphy's Law might have taken place, but I managed to not back down. And for as small a feat as it may sound, it's actually quite telling of my current emotional state of happiness.